Since the time I crossed the 25th year of my life, I have been thinking that I have now lived considerable number of years of my life, I am working, living in a married set-up, having a nice and wonderful man as my husband, running a household, getting back home late sometimes (just because of work), driving on my own, making decisions, deciding on my own what I must buy and what I must wear, talk to my husband about life and how it is and how I visualize it to be, indulge in high class intellectual discussions, give advice to people, sort out issues in peoples’ lives, assist people in shopping for their wardrobes, counsel 40 something people on issues ranging from marriage to children to office and so on and so forth…all this put together….it is confirmed that I am an adult now!!!! And I hope the people reading this article would agree with my confirmation….
But, a simple mathematical calculation took me by surprise this afternoon. I was calculating how many days back was I born….the answer, I am sure you want to know…..10,000 something days back!!!!!!!I don’t know about you all, but I was shocked looking at the figure!!!!! The figure looked so so so small on the calculator display that for a minute I was just counting the zeros there!! All I could hear ringing in my head was- just 10,000 something days back???? Reckon, the reason for my shock was that in the life of this earth (which is 4.5-4.6 billion years old) I have just spent 10,000 something days!!! The second reason for this is that our human mind is accustomed to view a period of ‘years’ as something considerable where as ‘days’ as something relatively small or recent….
Whatever the reasons, I have begun to feel young all over again!!! This has worked to my advantage in a way that I have begun to realize that I am not infallible, I am still to grow more and learn more. Though we all are aware of these facts, but its completely different to realize them.
I feel like a child once more, curious, experimenting, inquisitive, jovial, fun loving and not to miss out- mischievous….. someone special always tell me I am still a child, but till now I disagreed……but now, since I know the number of days that I have lived for are just 10,000 something, so I am more than willing to agree-that-I am still a child….coz there is so much more to learn, so much more to look forward to, so much more to give and take…let me confess, it is at times relieving to know that I am not a grown up…this realization helps me keep worries off my shoulders and enjoy a good night sleep…..what else could I ask for in otherwise a hectic, rushed life more than a peaceful sleep…..having achieved that, I feel for the first time in my life mathematics has done wonders for me: )
See if it gives you too a fresh perspective towards life, a new way of looking at yourself, a great way of beating out ‘age blues’- as it did for me : )
Enjoy living!!!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Relevance of Marriage- How Irrelevant is it?
‘Till death do us apart”. These words, though most heartfelt when spoken seem to be loosing their weight in our modern societies. Once upon a time they were as relevant, serious and meaningful as they were charming. They continue to be charmers but have lost their significance in our jet spaced, globe trotting lives.
As husbands and wives go out of their homes everyday in the morning (or evening) to work, soon they shed their married identities and adopt identities of singular existence which is forceful, self sufficient and dynamic. Their world which is full of vulnerability, challenges, opportunities and not-to-mention equally capable individuals. With so much on the mind, how does one have space for a single relationship which anyways becomes complicated as the days pass by??
Ok, now reckon the word ‘complicated’ in the above sentence. This complication in our lives, more so in our married lives, is what is causing irrelevance to creep into our married lives. Marriage as an institution has always been sacred and will always be. The problem of today is that the minute we become spouses we forget that we need to give space to people existing around us. Though we hate to admit it, but the fact is that we have tons of tumultuous expectations from our partners. Tumultuous because the role of a spouse in our lives continues to be the same though many more roles have gotten added in our lives over the years. Many years ago, a spouse was a spouse, a father/ mother and a professional/homemaker. But now, a spouse is more than that . A wife is a wife, a mother, a professional, a home-maker who does the laundry, cooking and cleaning when the maid is not to be found, a woman who is fearlessly working in this world to create an identity of her own, a woman who is working hard to maintain herself despite the over-shadowing age and not-to-mention a woman who has to go to her child’s parent-teacher meeting every month and has to remember what she wore the last time so that she doesn’t commit the forbidden mistake of repeating her dress. And this last forbidden mistake should at no cost be repeated on any other occasion as well. Lets admit it girls, we have become like this because of the ‘so called unsaid expectations’ from us. On the other hand, a man is not just a husband. He is a father, a professional, a fitness freak, a guy wanting minute-by-minute report on how the sensex is behaving, a dad who need not only teach but play the latest computer game with his child in which invariably he’ll loose, a man who needs to do the laundry and cook when the wife is not around and a man who has no room to commit mistakes professionally lest he gets a thumbs down during his appraisal.
So, with so much of pressure, most of it coming from factors outside the house, which non-the-less are unavoidable and rather are desirable, the least that could happen is chaos inside the house. While maintaining our professional commitments is our top priority, our priorities back home begin to suffer. The first impression of it is, ‘Oh My God, my day is not over yet!! I still have so much to do in my house’ followed by ‘ I seem to be the only one working around in the house, God knows what she/he does’ finally culminating into ‘I can’t seem to co-exist with this Oh-so-prim-and-proper man/woman outside but ah-so-improper & disorganized & lazy & blah blah blah inside the house. Thus comes into picture the great splitsvilla. The relationship begins to suffer, expectations keep on mounting and finally the pressure is so much that couple finds it difficult to deal with it. So, the otherwise forbidden idea of ‘Divorce’ becomes a necessity in many relationships.
So, what do we do to prevent this from happening? A little bit of correction of thought and readjustment of expectations can let the forbidden remain forbidden. What men need to understand is that their wives too are now going out for the sake of the family to work, earn and thus to become something. It is their personal need as well as the need of the family. So their traditional role of a wife and home-maker now needs to be shared. Women are worthy of respect and need to be cushioned rather than pelted, picked on or mocked at for their efforts (whether complete or incomplete for whatever reasons, what matters is she did make an effort), once a husband gets this point he’ll automatically readjust himself for the love of his wife and the respect of the relationship. And the women need to understand that though they are working and independent, a husband would always be a husband, worthy of respect and honour. Loyalty, trust in each other and respect for each other have always been the corner stones of a relationship and would always be. Never forget that the relationship is much bigger and important than ‘some silly expectations’. Work at it together and then it would not just be up-for-keeps!!
As husbands and wives go out of their homes everyday in the morning (or evening) to work, soon they shed their married identities and adopt identities of singular existence which is forceful, self sufficient and dynamic. Their world which is full of vulnerability, challenges, opportunities and not-to-mention equally capable individuals. With so much on the mind, how does one have space for a single relationship which anyways becomes complicated as the days pass by??
Ok, now reckon the word ‘complicated’ in the above sentence. This complication in our lives, more so in our married lives, is what is causing irrelevance to creep into our married lives. Marriage as an institution has always been sacred and will always be. The problem of today is that the minute we become spouses we forget that we need to give space to people existing around us. Though we hate to admit it, but the fact is that we have tons of tumultuous expectations from our partners. Tumultuous because the role of a spouse in our lives continues to be the same though many more roles have gotten added in our lives over the years. Many years ago, a spouse was a spouse, a father/ mother and a professional/homemaker. But now, a spouse is more than that . A wife is a wife, a mother, a professional, a home-maker who does the laundry, cooking and cleaning when the maid is not to be found, a woman who is fearlessly working in this world to create an identity of her own, a woman who is working hard to maintain herself despite the over-shadowing age and not-to-mention a woman who has to go to her child’s parent-teacher meeting every month and has to remember what she wore the last time so that she doesn’t commit the forbidden mistake of repeating her dress. And this last forbidden mistake should at no cost be repeated on any other occasion as well. Lets admit it girls, we have become like this because of the ‘so called unsaid expectations’ from us. On the other hand, a man is not just a husband. He is a father, a professional, a fitness freak, a guy wanting minute-by-minute report on how the sensex is behaving, a dad who need not only teach but play the latest computer game with his child in which invariably he’ll loose, a man who needs to do the laundry and cook when the wife is not around and a man who has no room to commit mistakes professionally lest he gets a thumbs down during his appraisal.
So, with so much of pressure, most of it coming from factors outside the house, which non-the-less are unavoidable and rather are desirable, the least that could happen is chaos inside the house. While maintaining our professional commitments is our top priority, our priorities back home begin to suffer. The first impression of it is, ‘Oh My God, my day is not over yet!! I still have so much to do in my house’ followed by ‘ I seem to be the only one working around in the house, God knows what she/he does’ finally culminating into ‘I can’t seem to co-exist with this Oh-so-prim-and-proper man/woman outside but ah-so-improper & disorganized & lazy & blah blah blah inside the house. Thus comes into picture the great splitsvilla. The relationship begins to suffer, expectations keep on mounting and finally the pressure is so much that couple finds it difficult to deal with it. So, the otherwise forbidden idea of ‘Divorce’ becomes a necessity in many relationships.
So, what do we do to prevent this from happening? A little bit of correction of thought and readjustment of expectations can let the forbidden remain forbidden. What men need to understand is that their wives too are now going out for the sake of the family to work, earn and thus to become something. It is their personal need as well as the need of the family. So their traditional role of a wife and home-maker now needs to be shared. Women are worthy of respect and need to be cushioned rather than pelted, picked on or mocked at for their efforts (whether complete or incomplete for whatever reasons, what matters is she did make an effort), once a husband gets this point he’ll automatically readjust himself for the love of his wife and the respect of the relationship. And the women need to understand that though they are working and independent, a husband would always be a husband, worthy of respect and honour. Loyalty, trust in each other and respect for each other have always been the corner stones of a relationship and would always be. Never forget that the relationship is much bigger and important than ‘some silly expectations’. Work at it together and then it would not just be up-for-keeps!!
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